This is getting more confusing my the minute. Here’s the new instructions.

If you’re a PC and intend on voting for Bob Thomas, report at Trier Ford Lincoln Mercury, 502 S. Main Street, Columbia City, IN at 10:00 a.m. You’ll get to test drive the new Ford Mustang and spend some quality time with Bob.

If you’re a PC and intend on voting for Bob Morris, start at Maplecrest and Monarch street, (map link) and follow the “What about Bob” stickers, illegally placed on the backs of streets signs to get to your location. Given the high number of stickers, you are advised to show up by 7:00 am.

If you are voting for Mike Foster, report to the Allen County Sheriff’s Reserve, 3022 Easterday Road, Fort Wayne, IN by 8:52 a.m. K-9 units will lead you to your final destination.

If Greg Dickman is your man, report to the Allen County Bar Association, 924 South Calhoun Street Fort Wayne, IN 46802. A lawyer will meet you there with instructions.

If you’re a Borror person, you will have to get up early and meet at Matt Bell’s house. Matt’s serving up Randy’s famous “Bailout Biscuits and Gravy,” and will have a discussion on HB 1604 before you find out where you’re meeting to vote. Be there by 6:00 a.m. and have a donation ready.

If Ryan Elijah is who you plan on voting for, come to 3401 Butler Road, Fort Wayne, IN. Ryan will address you, his viewers, on where to go from there. Meeting time is 11:52 a.m. and free face makeup is available.

For the John Schomburg supporters, meet at the IPFW School of Nursing, 4133 Hobson Road, Fort Wayne at 4:00 a.m. Free circumcisions will be available, with orange juice and English muffins.

If you’re a Stutzman supporter, meet at the Smith Field Hanger at 6520 Lima Road, Fort Wayne by 9:33 a.m. for a free airplane ride to the caucus.

Supporting Liz Brown? Meet on the 9th floor of the city country building at 9:00 a.m. for a presentation by Allen County Commissioner Bill Brown on, “What Brown can do for you.”

If you like Wes Culver, stay home. No just kidding. Kind of lost my creative juice on this one.

If Rachel Grubb is your gal, stay home. Seriously.

Like Richard Thonert? Meet at the Indiana Supreme Court, 30 South Meridian Street Indianapolis, IN 46204 for a brief on proper conduct of an attorney.

Yeah, I know I left a few, I have things to do. This is just tongue-in-cheek, and was inspired by John McGauley’s post of Facebook, see below.

Top 10 OTHER Things that Could Disrupt the 3rd District Republican Congressional Caucus

10.) Two hour delay caused by hell freezing over.

9.) Facebook message from Mark Souder telling everyone “The party’s at my house!”

8.) Mass distraction caused by unannounced return of good Saturday morning cartoons.

7.) Pre-caucus setup is being coordinated by BP.

6.) Swarm of locusts stranded in Whitley County by baggage handlers strike.

5.) State of Indiana accidentally sold U.S. 30 to a foreign conglomerate.

4.) Stutzman sends Borror, Brown and Elijah voters free tickets to a Saturday morning cookout at the Shipshewana flea market.

3.) Abundance of “What About Bob?” stickers on road and street signs makes it impossible to find the school.

2.) TSA agents at the door aggressively screening voters for “suspicious” coffee and donuts.

1.) Sarah Palin unveils line of sleeveless “First Dude” t-shirts at Columbia City Wal-Mart.

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