By Jim Sack
So, I have been in the market for a wife for a few years now. I like being married, but the pickings are slim, for me, especially, because I prefer woman who are trim; fat mildly nauseates me. I am not attracted to fat women, I can not get past the pear-shaped silhouette, the rolls, the double necks, the flabby arms. I am sure that each one of them is a grand person, but I see the fat as both off-putting and a sign that the woman has issues. As a fat woman I know said to me: “food is my friend…my only friend.” She was commenting on her husband’s lack of affection and support, or perhaps something deeper in her insecure psyche. Probably a lot of that prompts women, and men, in this land of plenty, to pork out, fill out their bilious sweat suits and waddle their lives away in the aisles of Wal-Mart communing with other chubs. They are waddling their way toward diabetes, joint problems, early heart attacks, amputation, blindness, kidney failure and that contaminative, I-have-arrived stroll through Wal-Mart with their personalized oxygen bottle. (Now there is a fertile field for an entrepreneur: spiffying up, decorating, jazzing up oxygen bottles to the level of haute couture.)
Then, there are the smokers. You can tell the older ones by the way their gums pull away from their teeth, by the desiccated wrinkles that deeply line their faces, and by that sexy, low, gravely voice hinting a future of chemo. Some of them even sport fingers that have become pertinently bent to cradle that little grim reaper. Their lives are often cut short by early heart attacks, emphysema and stroke. I have given some thought to this over the past 45 years after watching my father die at my knees from a hear attack at 52. The older smokers, really older smokers, were hooked by our government when they served in the military and were given free “fags.” As a soldier I could buy cancer-sticks for next to nothing at the PX in Munich and easily resell them to friends. I didn’t. Cigarettes never appealed to me nor was I ever a very good entrepreneur. But, younger smokers, fifty and under, remind me of fat women/men, people who are self-destructive and pitiful, and expensive. They should know better.
So, why wag my finger against fat girls/boys and smokers. They cost me money. They cost you money. A friend is going through an insurance-paid fat reduction program. $2,500. She pays part, her insurance company pays part. Your rates go up just a bit. You see, the insurance companies have shareholders, executives and clerks to satisfy. They have to make a good profit to stay ahead of the competition. They are all competing to make better returns, generate higher stock prices and overwhelm their competition. So, fat girls and smokers run up the expense side of an insurance company’s balance sheet and do little for the income side. Their risk, their costs, are spread among the rest of us. We pay for their insecurities. Every fat girl/boy, every smoker you see costs you money. Extra runs to the ER, lost work time, skewing the curve against healthy people, raising your taxes…
Now, if they would all just go out in the woods and kill themselves slowly with their fat and fags I would not mind. Let them all go to, say Arizona or Alaska or some other designated refuge, something akin to a wildlife refuge, a wood lands, or a smoke lands. Put it on the east coast so the smoke will blow out to sea. Perhaps Jersey would do because it is bounded by rivers and would allow better border control. Scales and dog sniffing. Doctor slips.
I am glad we make it hard on smokers in Fort Wayne. Even North Carolina, the cradle of chemo has followed suit because they also get it. It is expensive. Even my beloved Kentucky is inching that way. Smoking is bad for us all. All of us, including our increasingly thin pocket books.
I wish we would make it equally hard on fat people. Their slimming would fatten our pocket books.
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Oh Jim,
You must be having a hard week.
Have you ever heard of love?
Sincerely,
A slightly chubby, older-than-I-look, spunky gal
Oh Jimmy…
Bring on the death panels for the fatties, smokers, soda drinkers and other ilk whose lifestyle you despise. Maybe if you had birthed 5 children and watched your ass grow with each delivery you’d have a little more compassion.
Maybe using your line of thinking, we should be taxing fat people to force them to lose weight?
The fact is, fat people aren’t costing us more money, they’re actually saving us money and it’s the grossly overweight that rack up bills for obesity-related ailments like diabetes and hypertension.
But these additional costs are more than offset by their shorter lifespan. Skinny people like you suck more resources over the duration of your slim and fruitful lives on account of all the expensive degenerative diseases you develop in your added bonus years.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to prevent obesity, but let’s not pretend it’s a reasonable way to pay for health care reform.
Now, back to the donut and Diet Pepsi.
“So, I have been in the market for a wife for a few years now.”
When an essay opens with a phrase like that — then quickly degenerates into the public rant published — it is not at all difficult to determine what Jim Sack needs.
Fortunately, there is nothing wrong with the Sack that can’t be cured by a bottle of Jergens and a quick trip to hotgirlclub.com.
Take two doses, then call the doctor in the morning, Jim.
Hilarious!!
Conservative Professor, you sound like hot stuff, baby!
Check out my site: summitcitynoise.com. We do love over there.
Jim I realize that everyone is prejudiced to some degree, but this rant not only makes you look small, it makes you look ignorant. Don’t like “fat” women, don’t date them and avert your eyes. Can’t stand smoker, make sure you’re downwind and never visit a house with smokers.
Why are you so upset with the costs associated with these problem and I read nothing in your misguided rantings directed at the manufacturers and purveyors of cigarettes, fast food, or the government for forcing high fructose corn syrup on an unsuspecting nation.
How come you don’t have the same vitriol for people who build on “100″ year flood plains because obviously they are safe, or people who build in natural forest fire areas, on the sides of hills, or next to a beach, only to watch it destroyed by the forces of nature and then rebuilt with insurance money and government (your tax dollars at work) assistance.
Here’s a plan, instead of rounding up everyone you don’t like, I know of a great mountain top where you could get away from all of your problems and hopefully contemplate your naval unfettered by fear of fat or smoke!
Aside from the need for a non-fat wife, I BELIEVE that all insurance policies should narrow risk pools so that those that are living less risky lifestyles pay less and those that live a little more dangerously should appropriately assume more of the cost.
Ah, but enter the government. They will do just the opposite. Increase the premiums of the less risky to subsidize the irresponsible. Isn’t America grand???
Jim –
In my early blogging days I too was known to go on cruel tirades. Usually I chose to diss pedophiles, and am still prone to that because I do truly believe there is no one lower.
Your tirade is cruel and heartless. And yes, I am on the fat side of things. I am not happy about that, but I am accepting of others and their problems and believe I am a much more compassionate person. I used to be able to lose weight. Until the stress of my divorce, because I married an alcoholic who destroyed the lives of all of us, took a toll on my health. After three major surgeries, my stomach now has a mass of scar tissue that also holds fluid that must be drained. One option available to me is to sue the doctor who performed these surgeries, he recently died, somehow though I never hated him so much as to bring that kind of pain upon his family. In fact I still respect him greatly. I am just not a gold digger type of person. I know about ill gotten gains, no good can come from them.
You should include in your tirade of course alcoholics. They not only destroy themselves but most everyone around them. Why did you not hit on that topic one has to wonder?
Well then of course there are all of the criminals in jail. They cost all of us tons of money, and well they aren’t good people anyhow or they wouldn’t be in jail, it would be much cheaper to just execute each and everyone upon the guilty verdict because well they just cost us money.
And most people in nursing homes are there on the dime of insurance. If there is insurance we stick them there and prolong their life. Forget quality, we go for quantity as long as there is insurance to pay for it. But once the insurance runs out it is amazing how quickly they die?
As a side note to your heartless tirade, two of my brother-in-laws have both had massive heart attacks and been flown by helicopter to a Fort Wayne hospital on insurance. Both of these men are fit and trim, eat healthy and exercise. Kind of dispels your theory, huh? I guess everyone who may ever need any kind of insurance that will cost us all money should just go away and leave you alone?
I gotta go with the majority, Jim. You sounded a lot like Dave Macy.
Wow, I stand corrected. Fat is the new skinny and diabetes is the new life style of the Rich and Famous. Somebody call Robin Leach. If we could just get the landfill decked out to look like a sky resort then he would be here for sure to sup at the Coney and produce a nice piece about Chubby Fort Wayne.
As for Dave Macy, well, that hurt, but at least you have not compared me to Pat White. I think I’ll go out and calm my nerves with a Gitane.
Jim,
I nearly always enjoy your thoughtful posts. I’m a thin man, and I also find the ilk at Wal-mart “offputting”. I suppose that makes me one of the elite. I like that. Funny, it wasn’t 5 minutes before I read this snippet I asked myself “Where are all the oxygen bars in Fort Wayne?” and then “I wonder if I can get a personal oxygen bar.”
Breathe in and breathe out, and be thankful for breath. Now go check your cholesterol and your blood pressure. When you’re done with that, kill a fascist for Christ.
That sure would make me feel better! Your mileage may vary.
Yep, I lost some respect for Jim with this tirade. I personally don’t care what he DOESN’T like and can understand why he isn’t married. Hopefully in your perfect world Jim, you find happiness.
I love this blog… there’s sublime irony in a conservative audience bashing Mr Sack for having the audacity to eschew political correctness. My chuckle of the day.
Jim, comparing you with Macy is just pointing out you may have made an ugly error. Comparing you to White would have been an insult. I found you misguided on an issue, not hopelessly stupid.
Things are not always what they seem. Mr. Sack is not the fool he plays…take it from a real fool…..nicely done, Mr. Sack….nice fracas……
I like it Jim. Ban the wide loads and cancer junkies. You’ve got a small niche market to target for marital bliss. Those specifications are available on eHarmony!
Thank you, Douglas B., but I think you give me too much credit. Fort Wayne has an obsession with mediocrity and our chubby, slovenly population, along with those self-destructors who want to blow smoke in your face, too, are just a couple examples. What is that show about losing weight on the TV?
Thank you, Douglas B., but I think you give me too much credit. Fort Wayne has an obsession with mediocrity and our chubby, slovenly population, along with those self-destructors who want to blow smoke in your face, too, are just a couple examples. What is that show about losing weight on the TV? They could do a season here.
And, Dean, I am honored to see your comment. I very much enjoy your “rants.” This can be a great place to live and, also, very frustrating. The question is how to make it better.
Since our ads are contextual, now look at them
Jim-
You are already on the road to making Fort Wayne a better place to live; get rid of the fatties, smokers, bicyclists and anyone else you don’t like. At the end of the day we will all live in a ‘perfect’ city dominated by old, sexless, single and white trolls.
Trolls have long been misunderstood and maltreated by the general society. Sprites, fairies, elves pixies and the like are generally discriminated against. They make good neighbors.
OK, I’m in. . .
I am fat and well aware of it. Trust me, you don’t have to tell me, I see myself in the mirror daily. I know that calling someone a “fatty” or a “hog” or a “fat-ass” may sound like fun to some of you, but I see it as going for the lowest blow. It’s easy. It doesn’t take many brains. I get it. We are easy pickins.
As a woman I am resentful of the “in the market for a wife” comment. Seriously?! I wonder why you haven’t found one. Hmm. How about “I would like to find the love of my life” or even “I would love to find someone to spend my life with”. Otherwise I hear “I need someone to do my dishes and sweep up my nose hair after I trim them.” You are judging others for their appearance thus I should be able to judge you for your comments and their connotations.
And I’m with Lucy in that trim people have health issues too. So please climb down off your horse and get a grip Mr. Sack. And for all that is holy, please take a look in the mirror and tell us about your own shortcomings next time. There may a reson why you are alone.
Sheri, the French government agrees with you and is about to pass a bill that will outlaw “psychological abuse” within marriage and also between unwed partners. That includes disparaging remarks about a partner’s appearance. I wish you good health.
Life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I have a little extra baggage, and I am on oxygen. But what I’ve learned over the years is to accept each others faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences.
And just for clarification Jim, I have no issue with your preferences. You are entitled to choose partners however you feel necessary. It’s the disparaging remarks I argue with. I know I have work to do even though I am relatively healthy right now I want to be around for my kids. I am currently attempting to change my habits.
Thanks for your well wishes.
Lucy… YOU GO GIRL…good post I agree 100%. Jim needs to open his eyes and take a good look at himself… for what he is. A guy that can not find a woman that pleases him…..Kind of hard to find one with his negativity. I was taught to look at the inside of a person. The outside is only skin deep.
Wow, where to begin? I think it best to just side-step this one!
Jim – I no longer wonder why for years and years you called me the wrong name (Libby). I was the insignificant fat child of your friend that didn’t even deserve the respect to be called by her given name.
I hope all of the non-smoking, physically fit women in the world see through your self righteousness for what I see as, a jerk.
Go Abby, Go Abby, Go Abby!!!!
Your response brings to mind another issue altogether. Men usually, sometimes women too, who call others “Honey” or “Sweetie” or some other term of endearment when they barely know you, to me it is a statement of “I don’t want to waste the time or effort it would take to learn and use your name.”
OH Jim, this post of yours opens up doors to some many other issues on so many levels.
Y’know, Jim, I think calling you Macy was the nicest thing you heard on your post!
CW, I think you are right. Somebody said I touched a nerve. Seems that way. My regards to Macy if you see him. Perhaps he and I can commiserate with a beer, or a small cup of hemlock.